34. Jack Abramoff
Jack is currently living:
a) In a minimum secure federal prison.
b) At an undisclosed, secure location with round-the-clock Secret Service agents, ensuring that he can take command in case the President is unable to continue duties.
c) In a grimy industrial washroom, handcuffed to a pipe and anticipating a gruesome death, unless he cuts off his hand with a rusted saw.
d) In Kevin Federline's trailer.
As a top lobbyist, one of Jack's jobs was:
a) Representing the General Council for Islamic Banks, whose chairman had been investigated for funding terrorist organizations.
b) Introducing clients to Paris Hilton.
c) Shoveling coal for $5 a week, plus delivering papers, to feed his family.