34. Jack Abramoff

Jack is currently living:

a) In a minimum secure federal prison.

b) At an undisclosed, secure location with round-the-clock Secret Service agents, ensuring that he can take command in case the President is unable to continue duties.

c) In a grimy industrial washroom, handcuffed to a pipe and anticipating a gruesome death, unless he cuts off his hand with a rusted saw.

d) In Kevin Federline's trailer.

As a top lobbyist, one of Jack's jobs was:

a) Representing the General Council for Islamic Banks, whose chairman had been investigated for funding terrorist organizations.

b) Introducing clients to Paris Hilton.

c) Shoveling coal for $5 a week, plus delivering papers, to feed his family.


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